To Grind or Not to Grind

Last week a friend mentioned that he wanted to know t-BONE’s thoughts on whys some people seem to ease through life without worrying about home ownership, retirement accounts or societal expectations. Living “off the grind” if you will. What follows are my thoughts on the topic. I am open to all suggestions from the t-BONERS (those who enjoy reading At Home With t-BONE) on topics to cover. You want me to cover something, let me know. And if you know me, you know that no subject is off-limits. Now on to the show…

This morning I woke up around 5:45am. I walked dog-BONE, bathed, shaved, and got dressed—blue suit, white shirt, red tie and hair handsomely parted to the right if you cared to ask. I made two soy lattes, one for me, one for lady-BONE (hers was iced with cinnamon of course). I packed up my work stuff from the night before and was on the road by 7am. It took me and hour and a half to drive about 20 miles. I got to the office, answered some emails, wrote a tantalizing piece for our newsletter and spent most of the day developing the 2011 budget for my department. I skipped lunch so I could be on a conference call and then headed out to attend a fundraiser for an Illinois Senate candidate. This is pretty much a normal day for me; not these specific tasks or projects but in general this is what I do day in and day out. It’s “the grind”.

Most of us spend our lives going from work to soccer practice, or canine grooming sessions in my case, and back home to finish up whatever we couldn’t finish during the day. We spend our nights and weekends checking work email, finishing projects and trying to make a play up the ladder so that we can give our kids the catholic education God wants them to have, take a few nice vacations along the way and hope that in the end we can retire comfortably. But why is this the way?

I know several people that shun the grind and they seem to be living just fine. Maybe without the nice car or iPAD, but well enough. We ask, how do they do it, and why? Are they crazy? I mean are they saving for the future, making sure they will live comfortably and “safe”?  I came to the realization a few years ago that there is more to life than safe and comfortable. As such I started looking a little closer into the lives of those who didn’t let society tell them how to live. What I found was a new perspective on life. If you look a little closer you will see that most living off the grind aren’t living recklessly (well in some cases they are but that is a different post altogether); they are living in the moment. Something we should all strive to do more in our own lives. When you look even deeper you see that they are having a blast and in many cases living their dreams or trying to fulfill a passion that society cannot rein in.

At some point t-BONE fell hook, line and sinker for the grind. I bought in fully to what society told me was right. I’m not complaining, I like my life well enough. The point is that it is not necessarily “the way” and others are living quite happily without committing to the grind. To some extent I have been trying to slowly halt this behavior to a point where there is a solid balance. Even if I cannot buy into this lifestyle wholeheartedly for some reason. Society’s force is

strong with this one. For now I cannot help but be a little envious. Before my grandma passed she always told me to take advantage of what you can do when you’re young even if you don’t think you can afford it, because someday you will be able to afford what you are no longer able to enjoy.

Do t-BONE (and yourself) a favor this weekend. Take one day to not answer or check any work emails, think about work or do anything other than make an effort to answer some deep yearning within your soul. Explore your passion, and in the end you will realize that living off the grind sometimes probably means you’re happier.

Sometimes t-BONE goes deep, but he will be back next week with his usual routine.

Stay thirsty my friends.

The Reach and Settle: Why do women end up on the raw side of attractiveness in their relationships?

First off, I just want to thank everyone for reading my first blog last week. More than 300 unique hits across three countries and two continents. I don’t know what I was expecting but this exceeded it.

Following last week’s blog I set off on a journey to come up with new topics to cover.  Mostly topics that I think people want to know my opinion on. This in my mind is everything, so needless to say you are going to have a lot to read in the future. I cannot however, take credit for this idea. I was listening to Russell Brand on Howard Stern last week and they mentioned that they have ladyfriends that are significantly better looking than they are; Howard has Beth O and Brand the amazing Katy Perry. This got t-BONE thinking: Why do guys almost always end up with better looking lifemates? One-night stands don’t usually follow this of course, but that is because physical attraction is not a primary criterion for choosing a one-night mate.

In trying to figure this out, t-BONE sought out advice from friends. When asked, one friend said that he couldn’t name any couples where the man was hotter than his lady. He also mentioned that his wife could name three in 30 seconds. So is it that women are generally hotter than their male companions, or could it possibly be that men are so innately homophobic that they refuse to recognize that a man can be more attractive than his lady, or any lady? Given the two people discussing this issue, it couldn’t possibly be the case. Some of t-BONE’s best friends are gay. Also, nothing leads me to believe that my friend is homophobic in any way.  Proven by the fact that he listens to Coldplay. Plus, she could only name three, a very small number based on the amount of couples any given person knows.

Another stated that they are better looking because they are the superior gender. t-BONE would agree that women are superior in many ways to men; they are better cooks (not my house, but in general), clean much better and are great at birthing a child. They are also much less gross than men, as lady-BONE reminds t-BONE on a daily if not hourly basis. They don’t have hair on their face, back or shoulders. They also shave the places they do have hair regularly to minimize the gross factor. They don’t pee in the shower or on the floor, or compete with their friends over the length, smell and explosiveness of their flatulent. Most have never tried to drink 30 beers in one day just to see if they could out drink their bro or throw down 10 shots just to throw up off a balcony.

There is just one thing that didn’t make sense about this theory in my mind. If they are the superior gender, why would they end up with worse looking companions? Or maybe that is why they are the superior gender. Did I just blow your mind?

A man is never going to seek out a less attractive women to spend the rest of his life with. The rest of the night? Probably. But never the rest of his life. Women on the other hand seem not to care at all. A man is never going to marry a woman with hairy shoulders, but a woman can look past this for some reason. You do hear them talk about how this guy is hot and that guy is sooo hot. It’s all show.  They are looking for personal connections, which is how they end up even going out on the first date with the gross and less attractive guy.

They say on How I Met Your Mother that there is always a reacher and a settler in any relationship. A couple of lady-BONE'S friends have pointed out on several occasions, and after a few cocktails, that I have reached well above my own level and that she has settled. I am not sure who should be offended more from that comment.  At first it was me. I mean seriously dude, you think it gets better than t-BONE? The more I thought about it though, it should be my lady who is offended. I mean to suggest that she would settle is really offensive. What she did was commit to something greater than the surface. Like most women she looked past the grossness that is male and looked toward the inner BONE. She didn’t settle, she just did the opposite of what most men do which is prioritize the superficial. t-BONE certainly went for the pretty lady, he just lucked out that she also happened to have a great personality and puts up with a ton of his nonsense. My guess is that most men do the same, and normally luck out getting more than just a hottie. Their lady counterparts are looking for something more, and usually get that, just wrapped in a gross hairy package that is known as man.  Maybe they are the superior gender?

Stay thirsty my friends.

First Class Contract with America

Opening Post Disclaimer: I have spoken to my lovely wife about this blog and she is fully on board with people relating to issues in their own lives through things that come up in ours. This came through clearly in a conversation we had recently when she said, “I read Jen Lancaster’s blog and she talks about her husband all the time. He must be a pretty cool guy to put up with that. Sure you can talk about me in your blog.” 

People always ask her how she puts up with me all the time. Needless to say she is a pretty cool guy.

And now on to the real business at hand.

This weekend I was confronted with one of the most difficult choices in my life. I had just spent a wild and crazy week in Orlando and by wild I mean working fifteen hour days and by crazy I mean sleeping less than six hours a night. The remainder of my days were spent somewhere in that confusing place between professional and personal time—drinks with colleagues and members.  lady-BONE had come down to Orlando on Friday for a separate meeting on her own, and we were able to spend a few hours together after both of our meetings were done. We went on a nice walk to a distant but real Starbucks (not that fake nonsense they pass off in hotel lobbies).  We had the usual, t-BONE a grande soy 140 degree pumpkin spice latte, Tracey a grande earl grey soy latte not too hot. We then lunched by the pool, read the paper and headed to the airport.

This is where the hardest decision part comes into play. Upon arriving at the airport, I was told that I had been upgraded to first class, one of the few remaining perks of regular business travel. I was then immediately informed that my wife had not. Oh Shit! Anyway, can she sit with me, I asked. Good luck making that happen the gate agent retorted.

I mean what you do in this situation? We are all aware of the Seinfeld episode but really in the end what did Jerry and Elaine solve that can be useful in the modern world? NADA!

So I thought to myself how do I figure this out? I know, I’ll poll Facebook. I mean the ability to have instant feedback from friends has to be useful in some situation right. How could it be better used than figuring out how to resolve the case of the one upgrade couple? Not surprisingly just about every response came from my female friends and family saying I needed to give lady-BONE the upgrade. This was not the answer I was looking for.

I was tired, I was sore, and god dammit I earned that upgrade. I spent nights alone in weird places, eating crap food at the airport, putting up with screaming babies (more posts to come on this topic for sure) and taking 5am cabs to the airport that smelled so bad of B.O. that I would have lost my breakfast if I would have had time to eat breakfast. And by the way, where were my Bros on this one? Seriously none of you could respond saying, take it man you earned the upgrade.

In the end I took the seat. I can make excuses like it wouldn’t be fair to the other first class passengers to have a rogue among them, but I won’t.  I’m not proud what I did, but I did it anyway. I needed to sleep, I needed to make sure that I had room to stretch out and quite frankly I wanted a couple free G&T’s.

I propose the First Class Contract with America, for couples in the same quandary. If we can all agree to this now it will only make our lives easier in the future.

If one member of the couple gets a free upgrade, the husband should not feel bad about taking it if a. the alternative option is a normal economy seat with limited leg room (does not apply to weirdo reverse height couples where the man is shorter than his lady or on American Airlines where coach has enough leg room for a normal heighted man) b. he has worked more than 60 hours that week (unless the wife has worked the same or more hours) c. he is in need of or recently received medical attention. In all other cases the wife should get the upgrade.  I have already promised my wife that next time I get an upgrade and we are flying together she gets dibs. After that the t-BONES are following this new contract. I advise adoption of the same before you get stuck in a similar situation.

Stay thirsty my friends.